within the darkness

within the darkness - mjd - 2014

when you are ensconced in darkness

it may seem as if darkness is all that exists -

that there can only be more 

of what you are experiencing 

and feeling. 

but the truth of the matter

is that at the core of the darkness

one finds light. 

as long as you live and breathe

as long as you have choices to make,

it's there. 

you must trust 

and open,

because the light is you.

set yourself free

and shine. 

for when you do,

you illuminate your world. 

---------------

this focal is made with a vintage foil-backed cab - so that you might see yourself when you look into it. 

the greatest gift of all ~

'self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin 

as self-neglecting.'

~william shakespeare

right, you've heard this quote from me before... and we are revisiting, but with a different slant... 


because we really do need to have this talk ~


the other day, akilah started a convo about health, citing the need to take care of one's physical self... too too true... whether one is very overweight, struggling with an extra 10 lbs, or even underweight - you have a need to care for yourself... let's take it a step further - how is the health of your mind and spirit? because they are all connected... 


like you, i can rattle off what size jeans i was able to wear or what weight i was at different milestones in my life ... but you know what made me really sad? (and i swear i keep these opinions to myself because i was an anorexic teenager - got myself down to 69 lbs at age 14 by eating 1/4 cup of cottage cheese -measured- for breakfast and dividing a can of string beans between lunch and dinner... i have no recollection of about 9 months during that time... and i absolutely cringe at what i put my family through...) my daughter passed her road test yesterday - she got her license, a really exciting milestone, right? but she was in a bit of a funk because she felt that her face looked fat in her picture... and i felt so sad... emily happens to have a chronic illness that requires her to be on a number of meds, one of which is prednisone... and that can make one's face fuller... she was actually crying on the car ride home... 

this happened right after i had read akilah's post in the morning... so we came up with a plan... a 3 month goal... to start doing the treadmill... getting exercise will be good for her physically but will also trigger the production of endorphins - good for her mental health... but that is 2 sides of the triangle... and maybe that time will free her mind for a bit - good for the soul... 

how many times do you avoid the camera because you aren't happy with the way you look in pictures? have you considered that your kids/friends/family may really wish someday that they had pictures of you? or do you have pictures where you miss the joy of the occasion and focus only upon what you feel is a 'bad' picture of you? life is waaaay to short for this... 
so let's go back to those who are very overweight, a bit overweight or underweight... each person struggles... even the person at the right weight may be struggling... we are talking about wellness... not cat walk ready... if you exercise, you get toned... you may have curves, but they will be the right kind... 


society has imposed almost unattainable definitions of beauty... can we see it for what it is? can we decide that health is more important than the size of your clothes?


in the mental realm we have destructive, negative thoughts - the very overweight may feel that they are too far gone to make a change, it may just feel too daunting... the struggling with 10-15 lbers may be so tired of having weight be an issue that they just want to throw in the towel and forget it... and the underweight may be fearful of gaining... clothing is shown on rail thin models... all unhealthy thoughts... some people may feel disgusted by themselves, some may not look in the mirror when naked or even clothed, some have made serious suggestions to apparel stores to consider putting dimmer switches in the dressing rooms (truth), some feel revolted at themselves because of what they may have or have not eaten... and none of them like themselves... 


spiritually healthy? no way!


where is the self-love, the self-acceptance?


how about understanding that as we age, our bodies change? maya angelou has a great one on that... i hit about 42 and my body decided that it was really just time to shake things up a bit... i had (kind of) figured out a way to maintain (for the most part) my weight... and then ~ well, i guess my body figured things had gotten too predictable... that i had a system for a good number of years (and through the births of 3 children) and it was just getting BOOORING... and you know how i talk about opportunities for growth through challenge, right? i got one!
where is the desire to just be healthy for health's sake - for your sake... which in turn benefits those you love...


what if, most of the time, you try your best? not because it is a new year's resolution, not because a reunion is coming up & not because you have a 6 month goal to be able to wear shorts or a bathing suit next summer... 


what if right now, you realize that your body is an engine? that if you give it the fuel it really needs then you feel better, think clearer... enjoy life more... 


what if you think about this - we eat to live, not live to eat... (once told to me by my uncle, a professor of nutrition at purdue - practical people my relatives!)


how about you set yourself some realistic goals? 


and how about, if you have a free day and eat whatever you like every now and then, you don't beat yourself up about it... i know a woman who runs so she can have her ice cream each night... there are people who give themselves a day off once a week... whatever works for you... 


it's not about dieting, remember? it's about health... dieting makes people think of deprivation... being healthy shouldn't... whole wheat over white? chicken over beef? low-fat products over full fat? some vegetarian substitutes? maybe parking your car further away from a store? days when it is raining don't count... this one is easy for me, i have a suburban and only like pull-throughs... pretty simple really... it's a matter of habit and execution of the plan... 


if you get outside for 10 minutes a day you will get yourself the natural vitamin d that your body needs (it increases the absorption of calcium and phosphorus **important**), you will also get some fresh air, and some exercise... you will feel better... you may even feel at peace taking in what nature has to offer... 


if you set exercising for 30 minutes 3x/week as a goal, you may be so pleased you will do more... you may look forward to 'your' time (and get a little grumpy when you cannot get it)... away from the noise, the shoulda's, the laundry!


you may come up with some great ideas that in the busyness of our days you might have never had... 


i love to walk outside - and i love walking outside in winter more than in summer (not a heat person)... i have walked in the negative temps... but the point is, getting outside for a walk connects you to what the weather is, where the seasons are at... noticing leaves changing, snowflakes falling, first daffodil bulbs, birds chirping from nests... 


we live in such a climate controlled world that i think it throws our eating out of whack as well... fruits and certain veggies grow in the summer because that is what our bodies need at that time of year... lighter foods! we eat heavier foods in the summer when we live in a.c. controlled homes & workplaces... the heavier foods are there for a reason as well... 
things are just a bit off kilter... 


kiss (keep it simple stupid) principle applies... 


do some people eat for comfort? you bet... wouldn't it be nice, if other stress relievers could be found? a walk around the block maybe?


you would be caring for yourself - showing yourself some love... you deserve it, you know... 


how about that being a resolution this year? being good to yourself? your whole self... 


something new you want to learn or read? great... maybe you can listen to an audio book while you walk... 


so don't forget to care for yourself... and ~

'don't forget to love yourself'

~ soren kierkegaard

 like i tell my kids, you are the only you there is... applies to adults too - we just forget sometimes... 

deep breath...

first of all, i have not lost my mind~

akilah at execumama issued a challenge, a challenge to speak about the things you love about yourself... maybe you should meet her and read about her challenge before going on ahead here... my initial response for her was, 'good for you! you are all of those things and should be proud and pleased that they are all facets of your Self'... but when faced with doing it for me, i faltered... as she says, words like arrogance, narcissism and gloating begin to swirl about your head... we are hard on ourselves - doesn't mean it's not ok to work on things, or find areas you would like to expand upon or improve - i am talking about the not-even-being-your-own-friend kind of hard... we need to remind ourselves of the good in us and what we bring to the world's table...

sometimes i cannot get over how the universe works... i have 2 pieces that have been accepted for publication... but they want a picture - of me... and that has held me up... when i read akilah's post the other night, i decided enough was enough... how could i hold myself up at this opportunity just because i wasn't a beauty queen?

so the first part of this was a revealing of the physical self - at the end of the day, no make-up and not a hair day... just me...

i found some quotes that reinforce the wisdom of my execumama friend...

'self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting.'
-william shakespeare

'don't forget to love yourself.'
- soren kierkegaard

i love (heart pounding) my green eyes... okay that one was easy because i just came assembled that way...

i love that i am named after my grandmother... my given name is mary jane... i became maire, because she called me that (she didn't like me being called mj jr, my grandparents believed in the uniqueness of each child)... but the spelling became an issue... my 7-yr-old Self was not content to have it spelled 'mare' because that was a female horse, and i did not want to be associated with the rhyme 'the old grey mare she ain't what she used to be...' i am grateful to the little girl who foresaw that and came up with a solution... and for all of the understandable times that people think i am marie, i am completely ok with that...

i love that i am able to maintain my composure under the most difficult of circumstances - i pass maya angelou's test of how people handle a rainy day, lost luggage, & tangled christmas tree lights... for example - a couple of years ago, at 10 pm while my daughter was finishing an extensive project of making a 17th century diary using candles, calligraphy ink in a bottle and a quill, our kitten jumped up onto the table, sliding across all of the laid out papers and supplies, sending blue/black ink flying everywhere... as my daughter was in hysterics, i was telling her that the woman back then could have spilled her ink one night, not to worry, it would look more human, less perfect... wouldn't you know, there was not one drop of unwanted ink on her tea-stained pages, but her face and arms were covered... she proudly wore her ink stains to school the next day...

i love that people find it easy to confide in me... i don't know why, but it happens... i don't always even really know them... maybe they just need someone who can listen patiently... so i guess i love the fact that i am able to listen...

i love that i am a detail-oriented person who can see the big picture or a big-picture person who can attend to details... this was a little revelation for me the other day... you know how you kind of try to figure out what kind of a person you are, in different ways? as i child i would make dioramas and houses, not for dolls but just because... i would use anything i could find around the house to make tiny little pieces of furniture, phones, decor... it would absorb me for hours, days... the greater scheme began to develop later on... big picture, detail-oriented, either, or... i am both... i am also a libra so maybe that explains it... but it helps me with my appreciation of art and with life in general...

i love that i am a trusting person... yes, i may get hurt sometimes but the odds are worth it... i have met a lot of really kind and interesting people because of it...

the singer des'ree (you know the 'you gotta be' des'ree) has a song called 'i ain't movin' ' & it includes the lines

'loving self can be so hard, honesty can be demanding.
learn to love yourself, it's a great, great feeling.'

akilah started something for me... something i think about but realize i need to devote myself to... how do i raise my children to love, respect and honor their own Selves if i cannot? to embrace their You-niquess? i spend my time talking about what to do for others - and will continue to do so... but you can't get water from a dry well... so it's time for a change...

now...

i challenge you!