the pregnant pause

light of knowing - mjd 2013

a season that blazes 

to catch our attention

encouraging -
no, demanding -
mindfulness 

a pregnant pause

between death

and the secret life that dwells

in an acorn.

we bear witness 

to balance

and impermanence.

does the chill air that physically wakes us
after the warm breezes of summer

force us to 

rediscover

remember

or just deeply know?

it is
with a sigh
that moves through the upturned
corners of your mouth,

the knowing 
that is 
coupled
with quivering joy

that the path is lit. 

when the sun, the earth, the moon and the stars align...

as you probably already know, a lunar eclipse occurred on the same night as the winter solstice early this morning...   i believe i read that this hadn't occurred in over 300 years... so we got up a couple of times to take a look... 

there really is nothing like a winter sky to begin with, but this was spectacular... the moon was aligned over orion... the universe was vast and welcoming... it once again made me feel ever so comfortably a part of something much bigger...

'sic itur ad astra'

'thus you shall go to the stars'

these are going out today to female relatives in remembrance of my grandmother and aunt - we lost them, the universe gained them... and they are missed... sapphires hang for their birthstone and for faith... 

another of those we loved joined the dance last night... the energy wrapped up in brown fur and named chuck returned to the eternal source... what a fabulous night he chose... 

here's wishing you a step up the karmic ladder - you certainly brought joy to the humans in the house... and kept the felines on their toes... 

'i died a  mineral and became a plant,

i died a plant and rose an animal, 

i died an animal and i was a man.

why should i fear?

when was i less by dying?'

~ rumi

to the bittersweet... 

poof

because quite frankly that is what it feels like - 


poof... 


yesterday we met with the doctors who said my aunt needed to be placed on hospice in the hospital... they gave her days to weeks... 


stopped by the hospital after dropping the kids off at school this morning, held the phone to her ear so my brother could say what he needed to say... i thanked her for all she had done and let her know i was going to be okay... 


my mom and i left - i headed off to philly with em...


and when i got home, my mom let me know that she left that disease-riddled, pain-filled body of hers at 9am...  


the aggressiveness of her disease and the rapidity of her decline have left me reeling... a mother and her daughter both died this year - my grandmother and my aunt... 

i finished these for my friend to wear to the kaleidoscope of hope walk tomorrow - she lost her sister to cancer 2 years ago... i added sapphires for september - to represent the month of my friend's birth and her sister's passing - bitter sweet... 


who knew those words would apply to my aunt this month - the month of her birth and her passing?


thank you for letting me share this - it all just seemed so surreal... and thank you for all of your support... i am here for you as well -


tomorrow is another day -

like a balm ~

'for what is it to die,

but to stand in the sun

and melt into the wind.'

~ khalil gibran

death is a universal truth... yet we don't talk about it... because it involves emotional pain and fear... death can come at times expected or unexpected... but it does come... and at the same time, we live... for that is what we do... 

these words have to be some of the most beautiful i have ever read and i knew they had to be shared... because i want you to have these words in your memory bank too... as my grandmother reaches the end of her days, i hope that this is what leaving the physical realm will feel like for her (and does for all)... a final exhale becoming one with the wind... and moving on to becoming a part of everything...