findings have their place

diane cook and brass bouquet owner jill sponsored a 'with one finding' challenge through today (perhaps my only consistency in is life making a deadline on the deadline date)...

it is inspired by the leaf covered forest floor... shafts of late afternoon light... rich soil... and the forgotten treasures that lie beneath it... 

i had not worked in a vintage-y way in a long time... what drew me to this challenge was being able to alter the finding with, you guessed it, patina! shannon writes about this process in her color drenched metal tutorial... i riveted the filigree onto an etched piece of brass... in my stash i have some beads from a chandelier... and i used silks from lisa jurist ... 

'the essence of life is finding something you really love

and then making the daily experience worthwhile.'

~ dennis waitley

from the inside and from the outside

the may art bead scene carnival blogger's theme is 'growth'... a topic very near and dear to me - and hopefully is to you as well...


as 2009 came to a close, things were feeling different... i chose the word 'nascent' for 2010... not to define it by any means - for that closes doors and limits... but as a jumping off point... nascent meaning - 'emerging or coming into existence'... for many reasons that is what my life was feeling like... and i didn't and don't want that to stop... 

'if we're growing, we're always going to be 

out of our comfort zone.'

~ john maxwell

true, so take a deep breath and bring it on... at least you will know that you are a participant in your life... 

'all growth is a leap in the dark,

a spontaneous, unpremeditated act

without benefit of experience.'

~ henry miller

terrifying, yes... but also thrilling... 

sometimes growth has to do with trying things outside of yourself... but sometimes, it is more about going within... it can be hard to know which is scarier... peeling away layers to reach your authentic Self creates uncertainty but also freedom... it can leave you feeling vulnerable, but also stronger... 

growth inspires growth... confidence increases... sharing your experiences helps others - and that is what it is all about... i am constantly inspired by those who share their journeys - i marvel at the things they are creating, the choices they are making, the dreams they are making manifest, the people they are fully becoming... it bolsters me when i falter... 

'growth itself contains the germ of happiness.'

~ pearl s. buck

there is no way around it except to become stagnant - love yourself, challenge yourself, forgive yourself and keep going... 

'may your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome,dangerous,

leading to the most amazing view.

may your mountains rise into and above the clouds.'

~ edward abbey

p.s. i seem to have neglected something important, really important - growth is certainly fostered and even accelerated within some kind of supportive framework... even if you are facing great challenges, if you feel like you are able to connect with someone it can make all the difference... i want to thank the someones who have helped me to thrive... at almost 45 years old, i am feeling like my life is beginning... like a Self is emerging... and i am so appreciative of that...  

did anyone else ~

get up too early this morning? argh! my son and i got up, started the a.m. ritual and then i realized that it was only 5:14!  i leave some clocks set to the old time for a bit, to remind me that when people start acting cranky it may be because their stomachs don't know we chose to change our clocks & they are hungry, or tired, etc... 

'i am always doing that which i cannot do,

in order that i may learn how to do it.'

~ pablo picasso

a big thanks to heather at humblebeads for firing up a lot of imaginations with her 5 challenges... i have now completed four of them and the fifth is firming up in my head... 

'fun with focals' day 4 - assignment - chain up your focal... 

i was feeling like constructing... started thinking of calder mobiles... 

einstein's ideas about relativity came to mind as i worked ~ beginning with 14 ga. copper wire seemed substantial, but then the wire wrapping, chain, and additions of dangles made the focal feel like a miniature ... pond leaf was created by mellisa at chinook jewelry design... the sterling flower tag from cathy dailey... and the copper peace tag was made by cindy at cindy's art & soul... then the piece tinkled as i worked on it, so i thought of wind chimes too... 

'pacifistic calder chime'

'fun with focals' day 2 - assignment - to use ribbon, thread or leather as a bail...

last weekend there was an open studio tour among a good number of ceramic artists... it was wonderful - complete with discounts, giveaways, peaks inside the studios ... i was a giveaway winner at pam's indian creek studios and received some wonderful pieces... when i saw the hand charm i knew it was the focal for this challenge... the perfect oxymoron - hard stoneware, and a glaze that makes it appear so very soft... and, afterall, it did raise its hand to ask, ever so politely!

the hand, to me, harkened back to ancient times... something that could be unearthed in a cave where the floor was covered with the debris of ages - leaves, twigs, stones... and so i used wool yarn, cotton yarn and embroidery floss together, pulled it through the pendant and then wrapped it around a copper bar... over that i used brass wire to wrap on stone, semi-precious stones, a twig, clay beads from kristie at artisan clay... i thought of the copper age... wo/man using simple tools of stone or copper... so i hammered out a couple of long copper links as well... also including some leather and spiral forms which are ancient symbols...

 'relic of the copper age'

and now, some mom guilt... for the first time, my middle child decided to go out with his friends for halloween... our family loves this holiday so he had a hard time, but it was nice for him... so i didn't get a picture of him on my camera because he cut out while i was finishing up on the other kids...

the zombie

and a battling gladiator

used all of the tips and observations i picked up at the zombie walk!

and for those who may have been wondering - zombies do like candy after dragging around the neighborhood!

have a creative day! and check your clocks - all of them! (even the ones that have the signal image that tell you they are correcting from the keeper of the 'real' time!)

learning

'i am always doing that which i cannot do,
in order that i may learn how to do it.'
- pablo picasso

my experiments with polymer clay are continuing... the first night i decided to try darker clays & was thinking i was going to have something called pearl-ex to use as a highlighter... however, at the two craft stores i went to, they didn't have it... from the depths of my mind was something whispering 'alcohol based ink'... i figure that had to have come from reading a post by heather at humblebeads or lynn at llyynn ... because they really are the pros... so i went back to the craft store and got some of them along with some lighter colored clays... i applied some different colored inks to some of the darker clay beads to see what would happen... the blue bead in the upper left corner has slate on it, the one under it has the meadow green on it...

when i applied the inks to a lighter clay bead, it put the light color into relief... the inks have a watercolor type finish the way i did it using a felt pad... some of the beads are just testers to see how the ink colors come out after baking... and what they look like on different base colors... they got much more subtle... so i am wondering if i should be applying them afterward sometimes... i am not sure if i like the green... & the different effects you can get... i like the way they bleed... my favorites are from the top two rows... zoa art today had a post showing a current mag containing an article on polymer clay, so i think i will try to grab that...
these beads happened when i applied ink to the rubber stamp itself... then i added some extra color to the one on the right... i do like the kind of distressed look they have... the middle one was a thought for the abs challenge this month - then i realized it's the 29th already!

re: a cube - that was trickier than i had realized as you have to push into the stamp to get the imprint... as you turn sides, it got sloppier - i was ok with how it was by 3 sides, sometimes... am going to keep at this... just to see what happens...

did you do anything different today?

reflecting - already

'deep breath' seems to have struck a deep chord, the same one that zinged in me as i read akilah's post... it is something to rejoice about and something to mourn... i am happy that you have now thought more positively about embracing your Selves, sad that we drown in the negative voices inside of us that warn against such acknowledgment...

we are not talking 'shout it from the mountaintops' daily pronouncements... we are talking about feeding ourSelves a positive diet devoid of derogatory thought, of listening to a soft voice that whispers that we are valid, important entities in this world, going thru it with the attitude needed to create and perpetuate change... to be a part of the Solution & not a part of the Problem...

we are willing to take the time to read labels on foods to eliminate trans fats, exercise or diet to take care of our physical selves... seriously, how much money is spent per year by the populace on weight reduction/exercise programs? and yet we leave our real, our inner Selves so neglected...

very... BIG... problem...

why have we been so conditioned to believe only the self-destructive thoughts and not the self-affirming? my doing this exercise challenged the very deeply ingrained 'don't toot your own horn' message (even to my own Self) that was blaring in the background... i fully believe in listening to your gut, i think we lose the innate ability to respond to things on a very sensitive level... but this message did not resonate from the gut, it came from the mind...

it has obviously been hovering in my subconscious as i have been creating pieces with affirming messages... but as usual, i have to sometimes be whacked upside my head with a stick to get it... t. allen-mercado writes incredible, thought-provoking posts... and one of hers really got to me lately as well...

we have to learn to listen to our inner voices... stop shutting them out... we know what we need and, really, how could anyone else know better than we?

this challenge came at a very critical time for me... because once the negative pulls you down to where only your eyeballs are above surface of the pit of muck and mire, it is a lifetime journey just to get out of it... don't you want to use your life for more than that? the women i have had contact with in this community are gifted, savvy, smart and have so very much to offer... what a waste it would be!

i have heard the phrase 'thought is power' so many times... it is now time to listen!

'by choosing your thoughts,
and by selecting which emotional currents you will release
and which you will reinforce,
you determine the quality of your Light.
you determine the effects you will have upon others,
and the nature of the experiences of your life.'
- gary zukav

peace...

and i am waiting...

to hear from you!

deep breath...

first of all, i have not lost my mind~

akilah at execumama issued a challenge, a challenge to speak about the things you love about yourself... maybe you should meet her and read about her challenge before going on ahead here... my initial response for her was, 'good for you! you are all of those things and should be proud and pleased that they are all facets of your Self'... but when faced with doing it for me, i faltered... as she says, words like arrogance, narcissism and gloating begin to swirl about your head... we are hard on ourselves - doesn't mean it's not ok to work on things, or find areas you would like to expand upon or improve - i am talking about the not-even-being-your-own-friend kind of hard... we need to remind ourselves of the good in us and what we bring to the world's table...

sometimes i cannot get over how the universe works... i have 2 pieces that have been accepted for publication... but they want a picture - of me... and that has held me up... when i read akilah's post the other night, i decided enough was enough... how could i hold myself up at this opportunity just because i wasn't a beauty queen?

so the first part of this was a revealing of the physical self - at the end of the day, no make-up and not a hair day... just me...

i found some quotes that reinforce the wisdom of my execumama friend...

'self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting.'
-william shakespeare

'don't forget to love yourself.'
- soren kierkegaard

i love (heart pounding) my green eyes... okay that one was easy because i just came assembled that way...

i love that i am named after my grandmother... my given name is mary jane... i became maire, because she called me that (she didn't like me being called mj jr, my grandparents believed in the uniqueness of each child)... but the spelling became an issue... my 7-yr-old Self was not content to have it spelled 'mare' because that was a female horse, and i did not want to be associated with the rhyme 'the old grey mare she ain't what she used to be...' i am grateful to the little girl who foresaw that and came up with a solution... and for all of the understandable times that people think i am marie, i am completely ok with that...

i love that i am able to maintain my composure under the most difficult of circumstances - i pass maya angelou's test of how people handle a rainy day, lost luggage, & tangled christmas tree lights... for example - a couple of years ago, at 10 pm while my daughter was finishing an extensive project of making a 17th century diary using candles, calligraphy ink in a bottle and a quill, our kitten jumped up onto the table, sliding across all of the laid out papers and supplies, sending blue/black ink flying everywhere... as my daughter was in hysterics, i was telling her that the woman back then could have spilled her ink one night, not to worry, it would look more human, less perfect... wouldn't you know, there was not one drop of unwanted ink on her tea-stained pages, but her face and arms were covered... she proudly wore her ink stains to school the next day...

i love that people find it easy to confide in me... i don't know why, but it happens... i don't always even really know them... maybe they just need someone who can listen patiently... so i guess i love the fact that i am able to listen...

i love that i am a detail-oriented person who can see the big picture or a big-picture person who can attend to details... this was a little revelation for me the other day... you know how you kind of try to figure out what kind of a person you are, in different ways? as i child i would make dioramas and houses, not for dolls but just because... i would use anything i could find around the house to make tiny little pieces of furniture, phones, decor... it would absorb me for hours, days... the greater scheme began to develop later on... big picture, detail-oriented, either, or... i am both... i am also a libra so maybe that explains it... but it helps me with my appreciation of art and with life in general...

i love that i am a trusting person... yes, i may get hurt sometimes but the odds are worth it... i have met a lot of really kind and interesting people because of it...

the singer des'ree (you know the 'you gotta be' des'ree) has a song called 'i ain't movin' ' & it includes the lines

'loving self can be so hard, honesty can be demanding.
learn to love yourself, it's a great, great feeling.'

akilah started something for me... something i think about but realize i need to devote myself to... how do i raise my children to love, respect and honor their own Selves if i cannot? to embrace their You-niquess? i spend my time talking about what to do for others - and will continue to do so... but you can't get water from a dry well... so it's time for a change...

now...

i challenge you!

lascaux in july

'a painted prehistoric landscape is always more beautiful than a real one, because there's more there. everything is more sensual, and one takes refuge in its beauty. and man needs spiritual expression and nurturing. it's why, even in the prehistoric era, people would scrawl pictures of bison on the walls of caves. man needs music, literature, and painting - all those oases of perfection that make up art - to compensate for the rudeness and materialism of life.'
- fernando botero

the july art bead scene challenge is the lascaux cave paintings in france... what an awesome choice for so many reasons... the haunting beauty... the connection to people past who made their mark...

i love working with a natural palette and variety of textures... so this was a joy for me... but at the same time, i wanted to keep it simple, reducing my design to necessary elements and maintaining a primitive look... because i could see how it would be very easy for me to keep pulling from my inventory in this color scheme... i tried to distill the design to capture the ambiance of the setting...



the use of vintaj brass seemed like a no-brainer for its deep brown coloration... the chain was meant to evoke the linear nature of the paintings, especially the keyhole chain, which looks like the bisons' bodies to me... to emulate the rough cave surface, i chose a link i had just gotten from artisan clay... it seemed to fit in color and texture... the faceted feldspath, ocean jasper and zebra jasper were meant to play their respective parts in pulling from the overall scheme in color, pattern and texture... i have had these great mykonos greek ceramic spikes in a bronze color for months... loving them but using them sparingly... good thing, because the pair of them represent all of the animal horns that are present... a deep carnelian faceted bead and a red jasper bead pick up the ruddy areas of the painting...

photographing this was a bit awkward as the spikes would lay down on the hand and not look so disproportionate to the rest of the bracelet...

new day

'you must do the thing you think you cannot do.'
- eleanor roosevelt

so very aptly named by beth at hint, this scarab charm captures the essence of conquering the challenges within ourselves that we face daily - "wear a sacred beetle as a remembrance that you are slowly coming into being, creating something magnificent from seemingly nothing."

while tests come from the outside world in bucketfuls, some of the most deeply seated ones reside within us... we can be our harshest critics and our worst enemies... it is so freeing to take on something we are uncertain about or even fear ... and so gratifying to work it through...

we were in philly today at my youngest son's first tae kwon do tournament... he is a child who has been through a great deal due to his extreme prematurity... every accomplishment is a victory... this morning he sat huddled on the floor with tears pouring from his eyes... 'i can't do it,' he said... a new situation combined with a gym that was filled with people and the accompanying noise that comes with a crowd had brought him to a standstill... there are things he has to do medically that i cannot change or control... but this was an opportunity for him to appreciate his strengths... all i wanted to see him do was get on the mat, i didn't care if he froze and did nothing, just stepping out there would be more than he thought he could do... well, he did get out there, and later stated, 'i can't believe i was so upset about doing this.'

my 10-yr-old did something today that will change him forever - he grew... is he wiped and cranky right now? you bet - those really emotional pushes drain us... but they are so valuable... and i wept with happiness for him...

it took me months to finally put something onto etsy - i was so afraid that i had nothing to offer, that no one would like what i made, that i couldn't manage the photo editing... now i anticipate making something to list - i love the process... finding the beads, making the finished piece, then naming, photographing and writing about it... marketing is still a challenge, but i am working on it...

i have entered the worlds of blogging, flickr-ing and even listing on artfire... do blogs make my stomach churn? yes, indeed... but here's one more...

so what was i afraid of? and why do we hold ourselves back? whenever i am reluctant to do something i think of eleanor roosevelt, a woman who truly pushed herself to become everything that she could be... and who certainly excelled at it...

one step (and sometimes a leap) at a time we evolve...

what will you do today?