'self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin
as self-neglecting.'
~william shakespeare
right, you've heard this quote from me before... and we are revisiting, but with a different slant... because we really do need to have this talk ~
the other day, akilah started a convo about health, citing the need to take care of one's physical self... too too true... whether one is very overweight, struggling with an extra 10 lbs, or even underweight - you have a need to care for yourself... let's take it a step further - how is the health of your mind and spirit? because they are all connected...
like you, i can rattle off what size jeans i was able to wear or what weight i was at different milestones in my life ... but you know what made me really sad? (and i swear i keep these opinions to myself because i was an anorexic teenager - got myself down to 69 lbs at age 14 by eating 1/4 cup of cottage cheese -measured- for breakfast and dividing a can of string beans between lunch and dinner... i have no recollection of about 9 months during that time... and i absolutely cringe at what i put my family through...) my daughter passed her road test yesterday - she got her license, a really exciting milestone, right? but she was in a bit of a funk because she felt that her face looked fat in her picture... and i felt so sad... emily happens to have a chronic illness that requires her to be on a number of meds, one of which is prednisone... and that can make one's face fuller... she was actually crying on the car ride home...
this happened right after i had read akilah's post in the morning... so we came up with a plan... a 3 month goal... to start doing the treadmill... getting exercise will be good for her physically but will also trigger the production of endorphins - good for her mental health... but that is 2 sides of the triangle... and maybe that time will free her mind for a bit - good for the soul...
how many times do you avoid the camera because you aren't happy with the way you look in pictures? have you considered that your kids/friends/family may really wish someday that they had pictures of you? or do you have pictures where you miss the joy of the occasion and focus only upon what you feel is a 'bad' picture of you? life is waaaay to short for this... so let's go back to those who are very overweight, a bit overweight or underweight... each person struggles... even the person at the right weight may be struggling... we are talking about wellness... not cat walk ready... if you exercise, you get toned... you may have curves, but they will be the right kind...
society has imposed almost unattainable definitions of beauty... can we see it for what it is? can we decide that health is more important than the size of your clothes?
in the mental realm we have destructive, negative thoughts - the very overweight may feel that they are too far gone to make a change, it may just feel too daunting... the struggling with 10-15 lbers may be so tired of having weight be an issue that they just want to throw in the towel and forget it... and the underweight may be fearful of gaining... clothing is shown on rail thin models... all unhealthy thoughts... some people may feel disgusted by themselves, some may not look in the mirror when naked or even clothed, some have made serious suggestions to apparel stores to consider putting dimmer switches in the dressing rooms (truth), some feel revolted at themselves because of what they may have or have not eaten... and none of them like themselves...
spiritually healthy? no way!
where is the self-love, the self-acceptance?
how about understanding that as we age, our bodies change? maya angelou has a great one on that... i hit about 42 and my body decided that it was really just time to shake things up a bit... i had (kind of) figured out a way to maintain (for the most part) my weight... and then ~ well, i guess my body figured things had gotten too predictable... that i had a system for a good number of years (and through the births of 3 children) and it was just getting BOOORING... and you know how i talk about opportunities for growth through challenge, right? i got one!
where is the desire to just be healthy for health's sake - for your sake... which in turn benefits those you love...
what if, most of the time, you try your best? not because it is a new year's resolution, not because a reunion is coming up & not because you have a 6 month goal to be able to wear shorts or a bathing suit next summer...
what if right now, you realize that your body is an engine? that if you give it the fuel it really needs then you feel better, think clearer... enjoy life more...
what if you think about this - we eat to live, not live to eat... (once told to me by my uncle, a professor of nutrition at purdue - practical people my relatives!)
how about you set yourself some realistic goals?
and how about, if you have a free day and eat whatever you like every now and then, you don't beat yourself up about it... i know a woman who runs so she can have her ice cream each night... there are people who give themselves a day off once a week... whatever works for you...
it's not about dieting, remember? it's about health... dieting makes people think of deprivation... being healthy shouldn't... whole wheat over white? chicken over beef? low-fat products over full fat? some vegetarian substitutes? maybe parking your car further away from a store? days when it is raining don't count... this one is easy for me, i have a suburban and only like pull-throughs... pretty simple really... it's a matter of habit and execution of the plan...
if you get outside for 10 minutes a day you will get yourself the natural vitamin d that your body needs (it increases the absorption of calcium and phosphorus **important**), you will also get some fresh air, and some exercise... you will feel better... you may even feel at peace taking in what nature has to offer...
if you set exercising for 30 minutes 3x/week as a goal, you may be so pleased you will do more... you may look forward to 'your' time (and get a little grumpy when you cannot get it)... away from the noise, the shoulda's, the laundry!
you may come up with some great ideas that in the busyness of our days you might have never had...
i love to walk outside - and i love walking outside in winter more than in summer (not a heat person)... i have walked in the negative temps... but the point is, getting outside for a walk connects you to what the weather is, where the seasons are at... noticing leaves changing, snowflakes falling, first daffodil bulbs, birds chirping from nests...
we live in such a climate controlled world that i think it throws our eating out of whack as well... fruits and certain veggies grow in the summer because that is what our bodies need at that time of year... lighter foods! we eat heavier foods in the summer when we live in a.c. controlled homes & workplaces... the heavier foods are there for a reason as well...
things are just a bit off kilter...
kiss (keep it simple stupid) principle applies...
do some people eat for comfort? you bet... wouldn't it be nice, if other stress relievers could be found? a walk around the block maybe?
you would be caring for yourself - showing yourself some love... you deserve it, you know...
how about that being a resolution this year? being good to yourself? your whole self...
something new you want to learn or read? great... maybe you can listen to an audio book while you walk...
so don't forget to care for yourself... and ~
'don't forget to love yourself'
~ soren kierkegaard
like i tell my kids, you are the only you there is... applies to adults too - we just forget sometimes...
Okay, I thought you said you were going to be decorating for Christmas today! Self-love ... you just said a mouthful.
ReplyDeleteWow! Incredible. And food for thought...
ReplyDeleteOk, I think I needed that! I get so involved in working that I forget to take care of myself. Thanks for your words.
ReplyDeleteWhat an awesome post! I think you covered everything here. Many times it's more about taking that first step, and not making it so difficult that you can't keep up. Baby steps and changing it up are the key.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. You covered a lot here!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, though, does anybody EVER look good in those dmv photos??? Em is so beautiful and adorable...I hope she can realize that some day soon.
Over the weekend I brought my rebounder into my room, so it will be easier for me to get some exercise and not keep putting it off...i think one more benefit of exercise is feeling stronger and more in control of your body and it's health...
Emily is beautiful inside and out no matter what color her hair is ;). Although I've only met you both in blogland, I can tell that she has an amazing personality and is very talented. She passed a major milestone in her life and should be joyful. Mary Jane, you are such an enlightening person and if anyone can help her see through to the goodness within herself I am sure it is you.
ReplyDeleteI understand too well about the weight issue. Growing up with a sister that was rail thin automatically made me the chunky one. I remember even when I was little my mom watching how much I ate. I can recall those looks she gave me when I asked for a second helping of food. In a way I think this might have hurt more than it helped.
I was actually thinking about keeping a log of the exercise that I get on my blog. This might encourage me to do better if others are watching. I'd love for Emily to join along. I'm sure we could find a little spot on our blogs to jot down what we are doing to stay active and healthy choices we are making.
some how i missed this post. thanks so much for putting this out there. i need a good kick in the arse! i'm about 35 lbs over weight right now and i am totally one of those that get out of taking photos. i do think about my kids not having any photos of their mom when they are all grown up. But at 47 1/2 years old, I have to do it for my health. thanks again for this post - i've got to get my butt in gear!
ReplyDeleteYou know there is something great about being old, when I was a kid in the 60s and 70s, we didn't have cellphones, or cable , just 3 channels, a movie out was a huge treat, we just ate our food and didn't obsess about our body being perfect, or that we were worthless if we didn't have a nose, boob, butt , or liposuction.When did we start being at war with the food that nourishes our bodies? I have spent endless hours praising my daughter for the wonderful unique person she is , What pressure young women live with.I see so many young ladies in despair because they are not perfect. I would have hoped for better for our young women as we worked for equality in the 60s. I love that at 55 I can hike and do yoga, I am able to work 50 to 60 hours a week ( that is my day job, not my jewelry making which is more hours ). I love that you have posted this MJ , I have to wonder how do we fix this? How do we get back to living and not worrying that our worth is tied to Madison Avenue's version of how we should be? I will probably never remarry due to the unrealistic expectations of men these days. I am healthy but cannot compete with such a warped reality. No apologies here for being a real person.
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