19 April 2010

what i did this weekend ~

this weekend brought the opening of the monmouth festival of the arts... a show i had been making pieces for since december... emily came with me to the gala on saturday night and we got to see all kinds of wonderful art... sadly, i was only allowed to take pictures of my case... 


this was part 3A of my personal april challenge... 1 & 2 had to do with submissions... as these dates approached, i began to wonder if this 'feel the fear and do it anyway' thing was working... but they came and went and i met the deadlines... 


up until 24 hours ago (and my chest is pounding as i write about this) i was ready to write about this alter-ego of mine... who seems to take over now when i am presented with opportunities to try new things - she did/does not consult me, rather jumps in with both feet... then looks back at me and says 'this will be good for you, you'll see.'


almost in tears yesterday morning, i was not so sure she was right... you see, i had agreed to do a demo at the festival - part 3B of the april challenge... in january, the email came in - 'anyone who wishes to do a demo, please let so-and-so know with the title and topic of what you would like to do'... bam, the alter wrote right back to the co-ordinator... she didn't even ask me! i tried to put this in perspective, after all - some of you guys are teaching at bead fest, teaching regularly, at retreats, at big shows... i know this - i admire you for it and give you so much credit...



ok, so by now you know that facing fears is a big topic for me - and it is something i like to talk about because i know that lots of us feel that way... a piece of personal history - my mother tells me that the month before kindergarten  started, i asked her if it was going to be too hard for me... if i was smart enough to do the work... and i asked the same question for many years... seems i still do... 

i have begun to get comfortable sending in to publications because i don't see anyone's face... i still get the 'can i do this?' feeling about the idea and writing, but i am not at risk of stammering and shaking in front of a real live person... 

now i had VOLUNTEERED to do this at a very busy festival... and guess what? they most kindly gave me a sunday time slot... actually, you were asked to give them 2 time slots and they would make the final selection... my alter picked sunday and tuesday... the festival very nicely gave me sunday - the busiest day... there is a fine line between being excited and terrified... i was not bordering on terrified, by friday i was - certifiably... 

i knew i was going to have to create the components in all of the steps... that i would have to jump ahead 2 - 3 days in under 2 hours... so i busied myself with that part... 

as i realized i couldn't even think about it without shaking (i get nervous reading to a classroom of kindergarteners if that puts this in perspective for you) i knew i would need a thorough outline... just to keep me moving along in case i got stuck... 



got there, had about 16 -20 people in attendance - including emily, a very dear friend and a woman i met through etsy - and gulped... it helped immensely that they were interested and asked lots of questions... in truth, i got asked so many questions it felt more like a class than a demo... and i was grateful that the ice resin people have an 'ask the ice queen' place on their site... and then it happened, i was having fun... 

i walked out of there on clouds - the coordinator asked how it went and i said, 'great!' not 'fine'... i hope someday to know enough to maybe do some teaching at classes... i still get nervous thinking about it... but i am grateful to this alter of mine who pushes me now... who is showing me that with the proper preparation, kindergarten is not too hard for me... 

24 comments:

  1. Congratulations on going for it and succeeding!! I am so excited for you!! Well done.

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  2. Bravo! Well done! I am so excited for you and the fact that subconsiously your 'alter ego' knew that this was just the thing for you. I have no doubt that you were a great teacher. The best thing I can tell you (as I was an actual teacher, of English to 7th graders) is that it is perfectly okay to say you don't know, but that you will discover it together. And it is okay to make mistakes because that is where the best learning happens. I am so very proud of you for facing your fears and doing it anyway. And someday, if you teach at the Bead & Button, you know I will be the first to sign up for your class! Enjoy the day! Erin

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  3. That's amazing!! I am really proud of you! This is not something I struggle with myself, I love to be out in front of people, I am comparing it to my fear of water, and I have to say you are a brave, brave woman!! Hugs to you :)

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  4. Congratulations for pressing on. I absolutely relate to how terrifying it is to do something new in front of a crowd.

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  5. Oh, Mary Jane! I'm sending you the biggest internet bear hug imaginable!!!!! You totally rock!!! I know just what kind of fears you are talking about and I am so in awe of you, that you went and did it! Congratulations!!!!!
    I am so happy for you.

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  6. Well done! I am so happy your alter ego stepped up and challanged you to conquer your fear. You've have grown in a new way. I think there should be prizes of some sort to celebrate.

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  7. Mary Jane, you certainly didn't look nervous, you seemed very knowledgeable and in command of your demonstration. But I know how you feel, I am terrified of public speaking myself. Hopefully getting your feet wet with a small group will empower you to do more of this. Kudos! ~Cathy

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  8. Excellent! So glad you worked through it. I too hate speaking in front of a group, blah.

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  9. i just read Lorelei's blog on ice resin..didn't sound easy to me..
    Then read that's what you were demoing, i thought "she must have lost her mind"..but your alter ego sure knows what she's doing..next demo you will be cool and collected...
    Brava..for taking a chance and doing well.

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  10. I'm so proud of you! What an awesome thing you did for yourself and for your students. Ever since an unfortunate incident during an oral report in French class in high school, I have had an absolute phobia about any kind of public speaking so I totally give you props for "walking through the fear."

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  11. Congratulations. I'm so glad for you that you did it and overcame your fears. And I would love to have been there. I'm sure you were great. All your work shows so much passion and virtuosity I would really like to hear you speaking in person about your work!

    regards Stefanie

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  12. Wonderful! It will get easier now that you have braved it once! You're an inspiration!

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  13. Congratulations! We all knew you had it in you! Make a bookmark of this post so you can return to it next time you become afraid. Wish I could have been there.

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  14. Well done and conrates on following through, give your self a huge pat on your back and give a great big hug to your alter ego, she has so totally got your back.

    I am extremely happy for you.

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  15. You ROCK Mary Jane!! I am so happy for you...I am listening to "Soul Sister" by Train in honor of you today!

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  16. BRAVO M.J.!! I struggle with the same issues. This is fantastic for you!! This will now be a whole new world!

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  17. My alter ego thinks your alter ego rocks! I agree.

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  18. Mary Jane, you must feel SO good that you did it,and then some! You left feeling proud and empowered and as you said, walking on clouds! That is wonderful!!!! As someone who feels very similarly, I am so proud of you!
    Cindy

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  19. How good are you? Well done. Your alter ego had complete faith in you.

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  20. Congratulations, Maire. You more than met your challenges!

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  21. yay!!! go you!! the "alter" knows you better than you think...

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  22. I am always refreshed when I visit your blog because you are so honest with your feelings and thoughts. Thank you for sharing this very personal story. I can empathize on so many levels. Congratulations on taking this risk. From your past posts and your beautiful jewelry, I am sure you were definately qualified to teach this demo and those that attended received tons of information and inspiration. I really do hope you will submit to the zines as well as teach. You are very, very talented and I think so many would benifit from your aesthetic and knowledge. xoxoxo

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  23. Good for you Marie!! This is how it all starts...sounds like you are a teacher to me. Big deep breath, then just have fun. You know more than you know, always. I loved hearing your story, we all have those hesitations, you aren't alone. But you did it, wonderful leap. Pat yourself on the back from me and give yourself a big hug! Take care, Riki

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  24. Oh my gosh! How wonderful :) Congratulations on your show and your teaching experience. Witnessing people face their fears is so inspiring so thank you for doing it and sharing it. I'm guessing you would make a amazing nurturing teacher so I hope to hear more of your alter ego moving you in this direction. Bravo, sister!

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