final step completed

it's all in the details... 


and what a difference this wax makes - 


shannon discusses the sealing phase in her patina tutorial and promotes a very specific wax... i understand why now... in articles i had previously read, minwax had been used... this is world's apart... 

my indigo isn't as vibrant as shannon's, so i know that i have lots to learn... but i am very happy with my first attempts at it on the bracelet... and it may turn into the first non-earring finished piece that i have made in a while!

a journey

'the soul of a journey is liberty, perfect liberty,

to think, feel, do just as one pleases.'

~ william hazlitt

and so i entered susan lenart kazmer's metalsmithing class yesterday - i had been plaguing myself with wondering if i should plan ahead or just go with the flow... i knew the outline of the class and so could have had a personal project in mind, but i decided not to... instead to see where i would go if i dropped the anxiety over 'looking stupid' and decided just to be... 

an incredibly giving teacher, she shared so much of her work style, her self, her TOOLS! i got to use a flex shaft (never had - and needless to say, loved it)... she taught her prong style settings and i chose to do a ring first (thinking that in 7 hours i would make more than one thing... some people did, i didn't)... 

so where to start when one is given sheets of metal, access to fabulous tools, a table full of found objects, beads and fibers & a new technique to pull them together with? well, the first piece naturally... 

this is faux bone, able to be engraved, cut into, etc with great ease... i chose an ancient tibetan symbol that i found by way of nancy schindler... 

i picked my way through the piles of goodies she had brought and came upon some resin paper - on it i found the words 'have a good journey'... hmmm, this was coming along well...

prong setting created with cuts in the edges for our journey often feels interrupted, but the pauses are where we learn some of the great lessons or just regroup to take them on... i used the word 'sisu' also come to me by way of nancy (who i happened to see with lorelei, kelley wenzel and cassandra procopio as i bolted in from the rain on the way to the class) ... 

please note the mistakes on the bottom, those holes are not supposed to be there - i misjudged the size of my conus shell... luckily they are covered up... and yes, i know that sisu has a '1' in it... the 'i' was missing - in fact, i am glad that it was... i like how it reminds me of class... and besides, i am a deep follower of wabi sabi... 

susan has an affinity for conus shells as they are symbolic to the women of new guinea, i used one that she offered to us... and why the crazy looking little wonky square? functionally it was needed for the rivet, compositionally it repeated the shape of the bezel, and symbolically it represents many things that come in fours (elements, seasons, directional points)... 

end of class projects - she very nicely gave a big break at lunch, some people ran to shop for things to finish their projects with (smart)... i really just wanted to work, so i ran down, grabbed 3 cabs for home and came back... 

one prong was left up in philly, knowing i wanted to add my own fibers at home... which i did!

this is just to show that the faux bone was raised off of the conus shell... 


a huge thank you to susan for a wonderful class... it was good for me in so many ways... one of the biggest was getting over fears i had... this was the first project for which i completely used a saw ... and using her power tools with her guidance... 


the journey continues! so i am left wondering, if she is sharing this information then she has moved past it - and i wonder what is new to her? and what will i do with this technique that is new to me?

hair and makeup ~

'all life is an experiment.

the more experiments you make the better.'

~ ralph waldo emerson

the cheshire cat has long faded and grown out... 

which naturally means it is time for something new - it was a good diversion for me... i am stalling, if i am to be honest - the artist's statement is done... it's the leap into resume i am about to take... 

leopard spots on the sides and back

last october after the zombie walk, i got em some prosthetic makeup... the kids and i used it for halloween... it was something she was considering as a career until someone in the business told her to forget about it - everything would soon be cgi... she was heart broken  (and i am still a bit skeptical)... i have a hard time believing that there will be no make up and special effects people left... the cost and time benefit of using cgi is undisputed... but surely, it won't make hands on obsolete?

took the kids to see 'clash of the titans' - see this in 2d if you go & save yourself the extra $4 they charge for 3d - it just isn't necessary... 

she loved the effect used for hades' eyes...

and then decided to give her brothers black eyes... 

nick thinks it is hysterical and wants to wear it to school - i am trying to gently explain that is a really bad idea!

the boys are such willing victims volunteers... 

i am working at preparing photos to put on a cd at specifications that are new to me ~ 

'if you hold a cat by the tail

you learn things you cannot learn any other way.'

~ mark twain

here's to being an empirical learner!

rock steady

'the more intensely we feel about an idea or goal,
the more assuredly the idea, buried deep in our subconscious,
will direct us along the path to its fulfillment.'
- earl nightingale

'we can never obtain peace in the outer world
until we make peace with ourselves.'
- dalai lama

the past few weeks have been especially capital 'I' intense for a number of reasons... in that time, i have been unable to do any of my creative venturing, except for one little experiment ... & i am currently in withdrawal and hoping this week provides an opportunity for some 'me' time... this small copper charm is the single thing that was worked on... but has had more meaning than i had realized... it's been sitting on my table since i made it and viewed on a number of occasions just as a prompt for calm...

the importance of breath is a subject that is often discussed for many reasons... in anticipation, we 'hold our breath' or 'take a deep breath and jump'... these things create tension ... after having gotten through something difficult, we 'heave a sigh of relief' or exhale... this has a more relaxing effect... when we are trying to settle ourselves we inhale deeply and exhale slowly...taking 3 deep breaths can make you feel more aware and awake... being mindful of the breath can help you to be present... it is pretty amazing how quickly you can feel the physical change that accompanies the different types of breathing...

being present is where i need(ed) to be, being mindful of my breathing helped me through some 'challenges'... emotions become more calm and balanced, thinking is clearer, & even a moment of peace can be found... definitely an almost daily practice...

retrospectively, i think it was interesting that 'breathe' was the first word i choose to imprint into metal (with physical force - hammering it into my psyche?)... finding peace is a journey for me (& you i am sure) and this goes hand in hand with it...

two nights ago, i picked up the current copy of shambhala sun and was drawn into an article titled 'ready, steady, go'... it discusses how focusing the mind can have great advantages... it is very interesting and my ten word description pales if you are interested in the topic... 'the approach to harnessing our mind is by using the wind, or the breath.' ...

wind horse by beth hemmila

the author also shares info about tibetan warrior teachings...a concept called windhorse relates to vitality... while reading i immediately thought of beth's charm at hint... i have such respect for her ability to communicate a concept so simply and eloquently... i really could have one for all of my moods... but my lotus is a treasured friend... (i know material things are not supposed to have great significance, but i admit to my human frailty & tell you now i wear it daily)... i can feel in this charm, the meaning of the article, the power of the mind that can carry one forward in life when properly harnessed...

we enter the world with breath, we leave with its absence, and all of those inhalations & exhalations in between are opportunities to learn, helping us to find the inner peace that we so desire...

when i first exhaled

lillia frantin - mid to late 1980s

'don't forget to love yourself.'
- soren kierkegaard

while i was walking, my mind wandered to people who had helped me to grow & to words spoken that had caused me to see life differently and redirect my path... i am a libra... but thru my early college years, in an attempt to validate myself to myself, i became a borderline type A personality... i was very detail - oriented... for example, as a kid i would build houses from shoeboxes - but with smaller rooms, levels, furniture, phones, etc... but often missed the bigger picture... in high school i couldn't figure out what to do as i did well in all subjects - i didn't consider how i liked them, just how i performed in them... so i went off to college to prove myself... first engineering, then economics, doing well, but not happy... i had a surgery that required me to come home and be home for a year... so i attended my community college...

i signed up for an art history class because i just felt like i wanted to take something i might enjoy... sit down in the auditorium, very earthy woman walks in with silver earrings dangling and she begins to talk... she makes note of a new development that was going up and the irony of how they usually choose names for the communities that reflect what was torn down - like green meadow, etc... and then came the art... it was a lightbulb moment's worth of excitement combined with the release of an exhale held for 20 years... i was done, it was over... this is a major? something i love can be something i can do for my life's work?... i was floored... lillia frantin freed me... i took money i had saved and money i made at work and bought an oil painting of hers at a gallery... i love the van gogh/matisse-like feel it has, the way line roams around the painting keeping the eye moving... and to my serious mind now beginning to relax, the color was exquisite...

when i returned to rutgers, it was to the art history department, where i absorbed every art history class i could... still there was that rigidly detail-oriented person who lingered... it was priscilla, the ph.d. student, who unlocked that door for me... she was explaining how to take the tests when slides are placed side by side for comparison... my way was usually to be very specific... and then she said, "what is the point of the comparison?" ... it sounds so simple now, but hearing someone say "what is the point?" what is the big picture? i felt myself stepping back and seeing everything differently... it is a lesson i count as one of my greatest...

i then met matthew baigell, the american art professor who i did my year long honors thesis with... he was very interested in revised history... i studied the difference in how the westward movement was painted vs. how it was diaried by women who actually made the trip... i went to him one time and asked a question... he replied, "i don't know, but let me find out."... again, this was momentous... i had always felt like i had to know and here was this man i respected so much telling me he didn't know... i had put so much pressure on myself... and he blew the door off the hinges...

i wasn't hard on others, only on myself... holding myself to a near impossible standard that was pulling me apart... the world of art and academic art has been good to me, and i began to heal - but that is the process of a lifetime...

this blog was not meant to be purely self-indulgent, but rather to trigger the memories of lessons learned that free us... sometimes we get so busy we forget them, and need only to be reminded...

lillia's painting is one of my treasures, for it represents a key shift in who i became...

don't forget to love yourself...