tap, tap, tap

small brass leaf beginnings 2012

the universe caught me off guard this morning while i was sitting at my bench...

like many of you, i am used to the tap on the shoulder (or between the eyes if i am being revisited) that lets me know i have perhaps veered from the path or should be paying attention because something not so ideal is occurring and i need to wake up... 

small brass leaf beginnings 2012

but this time, as tears welled up from deep inside of me, i realized i was being asked to pay attention because i was perhaps on to something... that i was beginning to really do the things i hoped to do... 

i was asked to make these leaves for a project that will help to raise money to build a children's hospital in west virginia... my youngest child was born at 23 weeks prematurity (4months early) weighing just over a pound... there were many surgeries, three years with a trach and respiratory support at home and other challenges... for us, the children's hospital of philadelphia is a home away from home - still... and when i was asked to use the word 'hope' it took me back to those first years... chop's motto is 'hope lives here.'

using words in my work causes me to be very selective - there are many that have become trite...

 i hadn't used 'hope' in years... 

but this couldn't have been more perfect... 

a couple of weeks ago i was asked to make a number of my petals for use as pendants...

petals 2012

these are for women moving through a domestic violence program... 

two causes that couldn't be closer to my heart... 

not too long ago i was musing on how i could really just make petals & leaves all day... (each form has its own meaning for me... ) i work them in a neck & shoulder-achingly gentle way... the challenge of keeping the form soft and delicate with a hard material is one i love... 

and people seem to be connecting to them... 

a personal aesthetic has emerged that seeks out simplicity that is packed with substance... it is something i think about and strive for... 

(and this post is feeling long-winded)

it was just such a wonderful feeling - having a moment of mindfulness where i realized that some meaningful things are falling into place... 

and i am oh, so, grateful... 

magic moments

'this world, after all our science and sciences,

is still a miracle;

wonderful, inscrutable, magical and more,

to whosoever will think of it.'

~ thomas dekker

the little one asked me to come for a walk with him late this afternoon... as only my children do, he sensed the weight that was holding me down, he remembered it was my favorite kind of light and he shared with me his thoughts, his joy, his love... how lucky am i? 

not to go unspoken/written

gratitude opens

'silent gratitude isn't very much to anyone.'

~ gertrude stein

this community means so very much to me... not merely as the place we play show and tell (though i really do love that)... but a place where we connect and share our lives to different degrees... our thoughts, our dreams, our struggles... i mean where else could i muse upon the things i do and get supportive feedback in return? my kids stick with me for a bit... but it is here that we open up... 

life for many people can be isolating - by design or by location... and with a computer we are set free...

i am grateful that i spent the morning with my kids - we are only all together for breakfast and through the macy's thanksgiving day parade... a divorced family - i traded thanksgiving dinner in order to have halloween each year... life is a compromise... so i made stuffing and brownies yesterday... and pancakes this morning... 

we watched the charlie brown thanksgiving special last night - and it makes me laugh how the commentary changes as they grow...

 i am grateful for the 14 yr. old man/child who has me in training for the olympic patience competition... i believe i have a shot at placing... 

for the blossoming young woman who is the apple of her brothers' (& my) eyes...  and who is so patient with her whirlwind of a little brother who has been a miracle in his own right and for whom i could not imagine my life without... 

i am grateful...

when a child knows you best of all -

i don't know how many of you are familiar with totems or animal spirit guides... 

i have a belief that the bear is my lifetime companion - drawn to them since childhood (not in the teddy bear kind of way) and inexplicably since... they seem to come to me in different ways... 

i have worn this every day for the past 15 years...

don't know how long i have had this native american piece... i find it fascinating that the  symbols found on this bear are ones that i have chosen to use in my work... this bear is near to me physically, but has been around so long that i had stopped looking at it... 

i personally wear this charm of beth hemmila's on a bracelet each day... 

choose nan emmett's open hands frequently in my work... 

and then emily made me this in her ceramics class - it is a spirit rattle... i love it and am so touched that she thought to make it for me... because really, when you have a piece of clay (or any medium) in front of you, the choices are almost unlimited in terms of what you can make... she chose this - and i am grateful... 

i find it fascinating in life when certain things keep coming back to you - when you make connections and feel the richer for it... 

what do you connect to? and how is it integrated into your life?

forget-me-not

forget you not!

'we worry about what a child will become tomorrow, 

yet we forget that he is someone today.'

~ stacia tauscher

a time for moving up ceremonies and graduations, all with the bright and shining (most of the time) future ahead of them... but look at your children for who they are now and let them know how much you love them for that... 

and how about you? do you forget yourSelf? who you are? what you have learned to create this person who thinks, contributes and participates in the world at this very moment? don't... because right now - you are enough... deeply and thoroughly you... do not cast yourself aside like flowers past their prime, waiting until you become more... not that goals aren't  important, they are... but forget you not, right now... 

so maybe it's all a matter of semantics -

but it's interesting - 
at least to me... 


writing on growth yesterday made me think of other kinds of growth - physical growth... in the spring especially we are surrounded by it... plants pushing their way up through the ground, baby birds and animals making an appearance, children having recitals, plays, graduations - 

in my world, we will start with plays... em is in 'a funny thing happened on the way to the forum' and it begins tonight... yesterday she came home asking, 'mom, could you help me...?' we added adornment to the sashes of the togas - picking a peacock feather because it is a symbol of juno, patroness of rome (i have told you that i am a total left brain/right brain - for i am an academic as much as i love to create)... and em added zodiac symbols to some bags... when she got home at 10pm, more kids wanted some - for this morning, meaning before 7 - so guess what i was doing at 6am?  yes, i know that one looks like a seagull feather - it is, it's an inside joke... but not mine... i just do what i am asked!! it's different to paint for theater - the focus is a bit different - bolder, bigger... 

emily is 18 - this school year saw her get her license and voter registration card (she has even voted)... she graduates high school... alex graduates middle school... and nick is promoted from fifth grade... all this june! exciting and a bit overwhelming - and 'where did the time go?' 


growth - in children we see all of the kinds of growth incredibly accelerated... 


and they are growing up... some would say that em is grown up... 'oh, she's all grown up!'... hmmm... ok, in terms of being able to make something to eat, wash clothes, take responsibility, negotiate and mediate... but grown up? i think not... in fact, didn't i write yesterday about our growth? about initiating it for ourselves each day?


so i guess i am taking it up with the phrase - so very generally accepted... it implies that kids grow up - and then once grown (past tense), they/we are done... for we were once children ourselves... while we may be self-sufficient, we are not grown... 


even in the physical realm our bodies are constantly changing... are we gaining height after a certain point? no... but we change, boy how we continue to change... 


if being grown up implies maturity, why are immature adults still called 'grown ups'? because i know plenty of them - and they own houses, have bank accounts, drive, have the right to vote, shop, etc... they participate in an adult world... but they can be hurtful and destructive with their lack of development...  


if my grandmother felt like she hadn't learned something new that day, she pulled out a dictionary or encyclopedia - and found a new fact, just so she had... forever growing and learning... 


being 'grown up' seems to  imply a static condition - and that is not what life is about... 


thanks for allowing the stream-of-consciousness writing... i just felt like i wasn't done yesterday... like too many loose threads were left... and it isn't like i have tied them all up neatly here - just explored a few more of the obvious ones... 

'when we were children, we used to think 

that when we were grown up we would

no longer be vulnerable. 

but to grow up is to accept vulnerability...

to be alive is to be vulnerable.'

~ madeleine l'engle

soar

'it came into him life; it went out from him truth.

it came to him short-lived actions; it went from him poetry.

it was a dead fact; now, it is quick thought.

it can stand, and it can go.

it now endures, it now flies, it now inspires.

precisely in proportion to the depth of mind

from which it issued,

so high does it soar, so long does it live.'

~ ralph waldo emerson

and on a lighter note,

it's snowing again!

last night alex was playing with an eraser and he made

a happy ice cube

a sad rain drop

and an angry puddle

his little ritual to the snow gods worked i guess!! this past week all but melted the piles from the blizzard... expected to get 10-14" with this one... hoping my brother will get in from san diego tomorrow morning ok... 

and i had just packed up the snow pants, boots, etc that had been living in my foyer since december! i think my neighbors would prefer i take my snowflake lightups from the windows, there is talk that this is all my fault! i figured they could hang around until 2.28...

**applies to more than children ~

'children will not remember you for the material things you provided

but for the feeling that you cherished them.'

~ robert evans

raise of hands please - who out there is still pretty stressed, thinking of the last minute things needed to be done and purchased... who is forgetting to smile, to laugh, to breathe?

i am ...

chances are the kids are done with school today - perhaps you are looking at a short day at work tomorrow or finished for the week today... 

rush, rush, rush...

and naturally, life keeps interjecting so that my best laid plans get sidetracked - but it's ok... nick's trumpet got lost at school, alex ended up needing a ride home instead of taking the bus, and... and... 

it took my darling first born to know what her mom needed - this heart made in the snow... and even at 17 she was so excited when she called me to 'come look'... (and because i didn't know, in my head, i am thinking 'what? i am just trying to put the dishes away, get the laundry switched over, pick up, so that i can... ') 

and it's ok... we are going to be ok... i need to laugh with them, hug them and slow down... not be grumpy because they ate all of the cookies (so i have none to give away!)... which makes kid sense, but not grown-up sense... 

so i will try to get some cookies in, make a couple of things for people in our circle (& you cannot create when you are all in a knot)... 

i hope you aren't doing what i am, but if you are - i hope you can stop, take a breath and readjust your thinking... it will be over before you know it... your life will be too... so enjoy...

thanks em, you knew just what i needed... that was the best gift of all ~

warm spots on a rainy day

hoboken, 27 september 2009, was wet... very, very wet!

the festival ran from 11-6... there were people in the streets - with umbrellas and wellies... but i had to wonder if they were just the city's residents popping out for food so they didn't have to cook on sunday! which i cannot say i blame them for as i would have done the same thing... i myself had an awesome crystallized ginger scone from an organic bakery... and em found some fried raviolis...

i was fortunate to have my own sunshine with me - my 17-yr.-old daughter and friend - and we had a great time people watching... i thanked her for sticking out a yucky day with me - a sunday no less, and a long one... 

sales were between a slow down and dead stop...

'while we try to teach our children all about life.

our children teach us what life is all about.'

aside from em, one other little person absolutely made my day... a not-more-than-6 yr. old little boy whose face just cleared the table wandered up holding his mother's hand... he started looking for red & told me it was his mother's favorite color... i learned that his favorite color was green & he showed me his shirt beneath his rain coat... he pointed out that his mom was wearing one too... he was adamant about wanting his mother to have something... and asked me to put a bracelet aside for her while they went to get food... 'will you hold onto this for my mom?' awww! i mouthed to her not to worry about it or feel obligated as i assured him i would do as he asked... really, i didn't expect to see them again...  you know how it goes... but wouldn't you know that at the end of the day, he comes back with his whole family... 'i am back to get my mom a bracelet, she needs one.' ... so mom gets to choose the bracelet she likes and we show him how it has green in it... dad gave him the money to pay me... and he was so content... that little boy almost had me in tears with the sincerity he showed in wanting to give his mom something, you could tell he adored her... 
having a $ successful show is always nice... but the moments where you connect with strangers, or see joy in someone's face because they have purchased a gift are so special... 


despite the damp chill and drops on my head - i had my warm fuzzies for the day... oh, and the lighting allowed me to take a pic of a necklace i made with one of leann's copper pmc charms! emily has on a koi fish brass one... 

hope your weekend was great... 

art2love.org

'every child is an artist. the problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.'

- pablo picasso

our family has had reason over the past 10 years to spend a good deal of time at the children's hospital of philadelphia... and the end is not in sight... but that's ok and another story!

there is a huge list of things i love about chop - but i wanted to share these 'artlings' that were created from the drawings of kids being cared for in the oncology wing... they hang in the windows overlooking the atrium... and i love them... it must have been so wonderful for these kids to see their drawings become 3 dimensional... besides being cute, they reinforce to those who walk the halls that each bed, each appointment is filled by a living, breathing child... with a family... with joy and fear and sometimes pain... with an imagination, hopes and dreams... and who, illness aside, is just a kid...

'art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see.'
- paul klee

'free the child's potential, and you will transform him into the world.'
- maria montessori

to watch the video of karen lefebvre-christou, the incredible woman making this happen, go to http://art2love.wordpress.com ...

new day

'you must do the thing you think you cannot do.'
- eleanor roosevelt

so very aptly named by beth at hint, this scarab charm captures the essence of conquering the challenges within ourselves that we face daily - "wear a sacred beetle as a remembrance that you are slowly coming into being, creating something magnificent from seemingly nothing."

while tests come from the outside world in bucketfuls, some of the most deeply seated ones reside within us... we can be our harshest critics and our worst enemies... it is so freeing to take on something we are uncertain about or even fear ... and so gratifying to work it through...

we were in philly today at my youngest son's first tae kwon do tournament... he is a child who has been through a great deal due to his extreme prematurity... every accomplishment is a victory... this morning he sat huddled on the floor with tears pouring from his eyes... 'i can't do it,' he said... a new situation combined with a gym that was filled with people and the accompanying noise that comes with a crowd had brought him to a standstill... there are things he has to do medically that i cannot change or control... but this was an opportunity for him to appreciate his strengths... all i wanted to see him do was get on the mat, i didn't care if he froze and did nothing, just stepping out there would be more than he thought he could do... well, he did get out there, and later stated, 'i can't believe i was so upset about doing this.'

my 10-yr-old did something today that will change him forever - he grew... is he wiped and cranky right now? you bet - those really emotional pushes drain us... but they are so valuable... and i wept with happiness for him...

it took me months to finally put something onto etsy - i was so afraid that i had nothing to offer, that no one would like what i made, that i couldn't manage the photo editing... now i anticipate making something to list - i love the process... finding the beads, making the finished piece, then naming, photographing and writing about it... marketing is still a challenge, but i am working on it...

i have entered the worlds of blogging, flickr-ing and even listing on artfire... do blogs make my stomach churn? yes, indeed... but here's one more...

so what was i afraid of? and why do we hold ourselves back? whenever i am reluctant to do something i think of eleanor roosevelt, a woman who truly pushed herself to become everything that she could be... and who certainly excelled at it...

one step (and sometimes a leap) at a time we evolve...

what will you do today?