going deeper

leaf - mjd 2013

one of the things i love best about maturing as a crafts person

is the understanding you gain about yourself

and how you relate to others.

leaf - mjd 2013

which is naturally also the insight you gain

as a maturing person,

with the application of different materials 

but not necessarily different methods.

the ride

it's not the day you have to manage, but the moment.
it's not the dragon you have to slay, but the fear.
and it's not the path you have to know, but the destination.


what a relief, huh?
the universe 


(recent note from the universe from tut.com)

could this be...

the heart pumping, chest pounding feeling of giddiness?! 

while i know that i 'should be' packing, and doing lots of other things, there is a juried show that i want to submit to (naturally the deadline is friday)... i kept putting myself off, saying that i couldn't, shouldn't, first things first and this wasn't one of them, that there will be other shows... but i need to submit to this, to try - it is for the new jersey metals arts guild... and the piece i had planned is perfect for the theme - 'process'... 


yesterday, i decided to give myself permission to take some time to work - something i have not done in over a month... and it has taken a toll on my mental well being... (to say nothing of the fact that i feel like a complete stranger on blogger/flickr/etc...)


that feeling of excitement was so forgotten - i will not do this to myself again... nor should you... if something feeds you, don't deprive yourself... even if you allot yourself 30 minutes a day... my work space is in a couple of places right now, and i had to move things back and forth for this - but i am glad i did...  and it may just help me to get through some of the things i am feeling so tentative about ... 

'living is a form of not being sure,

not knowing what next or how...

we guess. we may be wrong,

but we take leap after leap in the dark.'

~ agnes de mille

from within to without

working to attain an inner peace, 

bringing together the parts of my Self 

into an unshakable whole. 


giving birth to one


who lives with intention

that i can send out into the world.

finding the thread

i saw pieces of myself strewn about the floor... in some i could identify moments of completeness, but alone they were frail and fleeting... 

somewhere lies a thread to reunite them...

to make me whole again... 

indeed it does

you are here

like a marker on a shopping center map:

X

this moment in time, this place -

your life... 

are you participating?

'there is no greater agony 

than bearing an untold story 

inside of you.'

~ maya angelou

never lose your 'muchness'

the mad hatter:: you're not the same as you were before. you were much more...  'muchier'.  you've lost your 'muchness'.


alice:: my 'muchness'? 


the mad hatter:: (points to alice's heart) in there.

on growing pains and helping -

this is my christmas tree - 


i wish i were kidding...


you know those posts i kept putting up in december, about keeping things in perspective, staying mindful, trying to destress amidst the high intensity season... about finding beauty and goodness and love? i did do some of that... but there was a lot of stress... and i must have felt it building because those posts were affirmations for myself as well... 


as i started to take the ornaments off of the tree - all of the needles dropped off... and i said 'thank you' to the tree, my giving tree, for shedding its needles, absorbing my stress and allowing my hair to stay put... i felt badly that it had to do it... and i vowed 'never again'... 


it was so symbolic to me... now you might tell me that i should have watered it more or it was the dry heat... but, honestly, it isn't often that you see a tree look like a pile of kindling at the curbside... and i had to take that as a sign... 


while i was on stephanie lee's blog, i saw that she has a journaling class... and i knew it could be considered 'frivolous' to sign up (not by me), but it called to me... and the inner voice said, 'no time like the present.' (let me here explain how keeping a diary and journaling differs for me... in the past, keeping a diary was more like a recording of events and thoughts around them... this is writing for a certain amount of time with prompts...)

'let the gentle bush dig its roots deep

and spread upward to split the boulder.'

~ carl sandburg

just a few months ago, i started keeping a journal that i draw in... so i can put down those ideas that swirl around my head at bedtime and capture them on paper... so i can get to sleep... so come morning i can remember what exactly i got so excited about the night before! 

having experienced such a rapid rate of creative growth in the past year, i feel a bit unbalanced... i realized that while i am expanding in many ways, i need to go deep and search the self... because only then can my work have the intention i wish for it to carry... it will always be authentic, but it just feels like the right time... for all of it... for me to really get in touch with my 44 year old self... my word for the year was 'nascent'... funny how things happen, isn't it?

in the aftermath of the tragic earthquake in haiti, people are wondering what they can do to help... deryn mentock is holding an auction to raise money to donate to hope for haiti... 

take a look, won't you? her necklace is absolutely sublime... 

i'm not confused...

i'm just well mixed.'

~ robert frost

one can certainly be mistaken for the other - but intention is everything!

'the walls you build to protect you,

will isolate you in the end.'

~ me

walls, both physical and emotional, are often erected in the face of real or imagined danger... feeling vulnerable can cause one to fend off others in the name of self-protection... but what happens when the walls are left up too long? after they have served their purpose? isolation - from those you were warding off, but also those you love...  the time then comes to deconstruct... 

earlier this month, the fall of the berlin wall celebrated its 20th anniversary... are you up to the challenge of taking yours down?

the rusty crusty button from lisa peters had so much to say - and so much energy... it represents a crumbling wall... signs of things soft and beautiful are poking through... hard as the journey is to break them down, stone by stone we do... taking the tangled journey... leaving fragments of ourselves behind... moving from the hard to the soft, from the dark to the light... where love and openness live...   
beautiful lampwork glass by marie at bleu verre & a porcelain charm by marsha neal helped to demonstrate the evolution... 

on becoming

this quote came to my attention as i was reading an article about social change and global warming:

'we must all learn to live together as brothers or we will all perish together as fools. we are tied together in the single garment of destiny, caught in an inescapable network of mutuality. for some strange reason i can never be what i ought to be until you are what you ought to be. and you can never be what you ought to be until i am what i ought to be.'

-martin luther king, jr.

i completely understand the ideas of relatedness and interconnectedness that exists between all living things... and i find this quote to be profound for it reaches further than the personal journey we are on to attain the highest level of consciousness we can... from our practice of working upon ourselves, and then reaching out with ever more to give, the great challenges of our time can be met...

but to be honest, 'i can never be what i ought to be until you are what you ought to be.' made me stop... what do you think? on the most deeply personal level, aren't we supposed to be able to gain great insights through our own diligence? do we need others to attain our own enlightenment? does it help to be surrounded by those that are like minded? of course... but is it necessary? i don't know, i am still thinking about it - and i still have a lot of work to do... i suppose that is why dr. king wrote, 'for some strange reason'... as applied to the species, this statement rings loud and true... we need to be a part of the solution and not a part of the problem... we can achieve more together if we are on the same page, working toward a common goal...

these earrings are about becoming what you ought to be... the lotus flower is one of the eight auspicious symbols in buddhism... the roots of the lotus are set down in the mud, the stem growing and rising up through the murky water until it reaches the surface, where the flower turns its face to the sun... the white flower is a symbol of enlightenment, of the purity of body, mind and speech... these earrings are made in 3 layers... the bottom is a paddled copper drop representing the roots... the center is a spiral headpin with moonstone representing growth and the flashes of insight gleaned with emotional understanding... and the dome shaped disc is stamped with the lotus flower itself... hammered and antiqued... i made all but 2 of the pieces - the split ring and the spiral headpin which was made by rocki at rockis supplies... in truth, i didn't realize how i was building these, how the 3 parts were symbolic, it only came later when i was finished...

imagine whole water gardens of lotus where each blossom represents an enlightened human
& what could be accomplished if those were to be...